tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post3610000544140015826..comments2021-03-15T14:29:06.488-04:00Comments on "Where's Baby Lily, Mommy?": # 41: A FANTASY OF TWO MOTHERS? THE KIDS IN FAIRY TALES DON'T EVEN GET HALF OF THAT.by Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12620656009462393047noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-14112405428372257872012-07-09T23:21:59.359-04:002012-07-09T23:21:59.359-04:00Thank you Jennifer for those words. I am just now ...Thank you Jennifer for those words. I am just now learning that none us survive this experience unscathed, even for the adoptee who lives near and knows their original family and is included in it just as any other family member would be. They still deal with pain of abandonment and feeling like they dont know where or who they belong to.Ronihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17840068585299914747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-226661164878431902012-07-09T23:15:27.267-04:002012-07-09T23:15:27.267-04:00Thanks, Roni, for sharing your story.
I guess eve...Thanks, Roni, for sharing your story.<br /><br />I guess even in the best situations, there is no way out of adoption related pain and loss. <br /><br />Thanks for taking the time to read our Baby Lily story.<br /><br />Best,<br />Jennifer :)Jenniferhttp://www.abortedadoption.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-28084443205552927052012-07-09T22:28:32.422-04:002012-07-09T22:28:32.422-04:00Although surrendering and loss of my now 27 year o...Although surrendering and loss of my now 27 year old daughter was the most tramuatic and defining moment of my life, her amom and I have quite a unique relationship. As my daughter grew up we were never kept apart. Her and her aparents spent holidays, special occassions, dinners over with us and we did with them as well. Even sleepover with the other children I had later with my husband.<br /><br />During her growing up years her amom would speak of the day our daughter would marry and it always included me by her side as one of the mothers. Well she did marry recently and I was right beside her amom, holding her hand, included as one of the moms of the bride. Not sure we made that pretty picture of one big happy family though. There was still time lost between my daughter and I and a bond broken between us because I didnt raise her. I wasn't her mother. It was quite a painful day for me.<br /><br />Even though we weren't apart all those growing up years, we still have the kind of relationship common to bmoms and adoptees do when they reunite. She comes in and out of my life but is never really "in" my life. I always pictured us being friends when she was grown, but that isnt what has happened. She is still an adoptee. We still have a fractured relationship because of our initial separation. I believe she still has abandonment issues and is "punnishing" me for not being there for her as her Mom, even though if you ask her she would deny it. She is happy she was adopted.<br /><br />I guess what I am saying is, just because a bmom and adoptee and his/her family have an onging relationship and see each other frequently doesnt guarntee a "happy ending". It is an unnatural situation that one person always feels left out of, and it can be painful to the core.Ronihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17840068585299914747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-10589890822458811602012-07-08T15:11:19.177-04:002012-07-08T15:11:19.177-04:00Samantha,
As this story unfolds, you will see tha...Samantha,<br /><br />As this story unfolds, you will see that it addresses the rights of birth fathers. Sadly, our laws do not protect fathers at all. I am so sorry for what you and your family is going through. <br /><br />Best,<br />JenniferJenniferhttp://www.abortedadoption.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-50416150447697196172012-07-08T15:03:09.218-04:002012-07-08T15:03:09.218-04:00Being adopted myself, going through all this stuff...Being adopted myself, going through all this stuff with my husband and his daughter has been a nightmare for me. I have flashbacks from my childhood all the time.Samantha Phttp://www.facebook.com/groups/121713731180015/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-34594264334730302752012-07-08T07:57:08.385-04:002012-07-08T07:57:08.385-04:00Myst,
Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
I thin...Myst,<br /><br />Thanks for your thoughtful comment.<br /><br />I think you are right about Kendra's mother using a protection mechanism. And somehow, her adoption trauma, gets reenacted with the adoption of Baby Lily. The whole thing is so so sad.<br /><br />My own fault in this story was ignorance. I didn't know enough about adoption when this all happened. Remember...we weren't even trying to adopt. Perhaps that's why the attorney presented us to Kendra in the first place...we were naive. <br /><br />You make many excellent points in your comment, Myst--regarding this story and adoption in general. <br /><br />Myst--how old is Amber now? You can inbox me privately if you want. <br /><br />Best,<br />Jennifer :)Jenniferhttp://www.abortedadoption.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7725137789250152370.post-59246430248218081862012-07-08T06:21:26.608-04:002012-07-08T06:21:26.608-04:00What a very sad story :(
I have seen and read a...What a very sad story :( <br /><br />I have seen and read about many reunions. And the truth is, so much has been lost that it is very difficult for many to do well and many don't. After the honeymoon stage in reunion, the relationship can and often breaks down because this most sacred of relationships has hardly any foundation save that biological bond from many years past.<br /><br />There is nothing that can get that relationship back. Nothing that can make up for what is lost. I feel the absence of my daughter keenly every single day and whilst I manage a life without her, it takes much energy and will power to get through a day or a week or a month... <br /><br />Kendra's mother can never know for sure if her life was much better being adopted. That is a protection mechanism. All she knows is she had a different life. Because the loss of a child to adoption changes so much in a mother's chemistry and emotional mental health, the mother she met years later was not the same mother who gave birth to her. I know because I have changed forever. I am a lot more anxious and paranoid now because I don't want to lose another child... I was not like that when I had Amber. Adoption is an unnatural act forced onto natural situations and thus changes lives permanently.<br /><br />I doubt I will ever have a relationship with the woman who stole my child and truth is, I don't want to. She is a poison this world is better off without and it makes me sick my daughter is growing up with her as her "mother" figure. <br /><br />I know you are nothing like this Jennifer and you remind me of a family friend who adopted and did everything to make it work with her daughter's first mother. She was amazing but also said she would never adopt again because of the pain she has witnessed in her adopted daughter.<br /><br />This whole story is so very sad for everyone involved. I am sorry for all the suffering, including your own, in this event. <br /><br />Hugs,<br />Myst xxxMysthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07425550479815459790noreply@blogger.com