7/18/13
This morning
Dear Baby Veronica,
The first thing I did this morning, even before getting out of bed, was Google the words "Baby Veronica" to see if there were any updates regarding your court case. And there were. I already knew that the Supreme Court of the United States ruled against the application of the Indian Child Welfare Act (a federal statute) in your case. They did not decide on your final destination, however, and sent your case straight back to the state level to make that determination.
This morning, I learned that after living with your biological father for the past one and a half years, the court has ordered you to return to the prospective adoptive parents--the people you lived with during the first two years of your life. I'm upset. For so many reasons.
1) I don't know why so many news reports and articles refer to the prospective adoptive parents as the adoptive parents. You were never adopted in the first place. Your prospective adoption was contested by your biological father. Who are these "news" people who can't even get their facts straight? I imagine even a high school student in a journalism class ought to get an "F" for such a grand mistake. And it is a gross error. It impacts how the general public interprets your case--it causes the masses to rise in indignation against your biological father. By incorrectly referring to the Capobiancos as your adoptive parents, the media has created a blindfold over the truth. People cannot see because they have already decided that you belong, officially and legally belong, to a family other than your biological one. General public opinion impacts real and concrete laws and practices regarding adoption. If public opinion is formed in the absence of truth--well, as a society, we are setting ourselves up for more obfuscation. I am sorry that facts of your life have been misrepresented across the country.
2) I am so terribly sad that you are ordered to leave the home of your biological father. No matter one's legal opinion on your case, you are a little girl who is about to be taken away from her father. I was really sad for you when you were removed from your first home as well. I look at my daughter, Sara, who is only a few weeks younger than you and I cannot imagine her being tossed around like an object. It's so unfair and you didn't do anything to deserve this.
3) If your situation is hard for me to process and leaves me with moments of ambivalence, well, I worry about you--how will you make sense of all this? After reading a recent article that your biological mother wrote, I felt empathy for her struggle in this. I was rooting for your biological dad, but then I felt confused. I didn't know which side to take anymore. It was a short-lived reaction, of course, because within the hour, I was back to rooting for your biological father. I didn't want you to suffer the lifelong trauma of being adopted. I worry how you will integrate the knowledge that the Capobiancos fought against your biological father. You will be dependent on the Capobiancos. If you go to live with them, you will be dependent on them for all your basic needs, from food to love. You will be faced with psychological sabotage when you are old enough to understand how you came to be adopted.
4) Growing up is hard, but now each and every developmental stage you encounter will be even harder. I worry about potential attachment issues. How will you ever feel secure when you have been ripped away from your earliest caregivers not just once, but twice? When you reach school-age, I worry how your peers will speak about you. Your case is now famous. Your development has been usurped. I hope your future classmates, their parents, and your teachers are sensitive to you. I am sorry that the perception others have of who you are will exist prior to actually knowing you. With these words, I too am making assumptions about your future. I worry that people will interpret your behavior, your emotions, the very essence of who you are according to their opinion of your adoption situation. I am sorry that your unfortunate circumstances have denied you freedom, that your life has started under this great shadow. I hope the sun shines brighter around you so that you will feel its warmth despite this great shadow.
5) I'm super angry that the state court made a decision without even considering what would be in your best interest at this time. I believe this is a reflection of our society in general, not only in adoption. We live in a culture where children are truly the ultimate marginalized population.
6) Much of your case has caused debate over the Indian Child Welfare Act. I do not wish to diminish the significance of whatever impact this case has on Native American rights. I am sorry, however, that the use, then later deemed misuse of a federal statute has possibly clouded a right even more basic than a cultural heritage. We are children of our biological parents first and foremost, before accounting for the larger cultural group we have descended from. There is a lot of hair splitting over percentages--some people think you are indeed entitled to be protected under the statute, others think you are not Cherokee enough. I suspect your father simply wanted you, and the lawyers involved thought this was a means of saving you from adoption.
7) I am saddened that so many people are happy that you are to be removed from your biological father. Online message boards are inundated with celebratory comments. Even if your dad made legal mistakes regarding establishing his paternity during your fetal development, I cannot believe he has no right to his child. It's not like he came along four years later. He did not want you to be adopted. He came along before you were adopted. I hope people will forgive your father for whatever personal failures contributed to this outcome. He is and will always be your biological father. You have a right to love him. You have a right to know that he loves you.
8) I worry that someday you will hate the Capobiancos for fighting your biological father. I am having a had time understanding how anyone would want to force a child away from a biological parent. It is hard to remain non-judgmental of your future adoptive parents. I was in a similar situation to the Capobiancos but made a very different choice. I am their antithesis. I am trying to find potential redeeming qualities in a prospective adoptive couple who chose to fight a biological parent. It is hard for me because I was in such a situation and did not make such a choice. I want to believe the Capobiancos are good people. I am trying to understand their course of action though it bewilders me at the moment. I will keep trying.
9) I'm angry at the legal system. I wonder if there was ever an early conversation between all parties outside of lawyers and courtrooms. When your biological father contested the prospective adoption, did the Capobiancos try to talk to him? Will they speak to each other now? Will all involved parties be able to come together on behalf of your best interests?
10) The irony of the United States Supreme Court's naming of this case is just too much. The case is called Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl. Shame on you SCOTUS for mislabeling the Capobiancos. They are not the adoptive parents. At least not yet. Please see item number one on this list. I can hardly bare to reiterate why the misuse of language is dangerous here. Federal Supreme Court case law with a misleading title! Moreover, it is noteworthy that the case is v. Baby Girl. Just think about it. I am sorry, Baby Veronica, that your situation is even misrepresented on this level. You surely are worth better care and consideration than this.
In conclusion, I wish Baby Veronica all the love, strength, and intelligence that will be required to navigate a lifetime of adoption trauma, public knowledge of that trauma, as well as these multiple early losses. I hope all the adults in your world will find a way to preserve your connection with your biological family.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
Author of "Where's Baby Lily, Mommy"
and Former Prospective Adoptive Parent
