# 41: A FANTASY OF TWO MOTHERS? THE KIDS IN FAIRY TALES DON'T EVEN GET HALF OF THAT.

The Fantasy:
two mothers
together
at Lily's wedding
Someday!
sharing tears of joy
not pain and loss

PAGE # 41

Friday

12/16/11
Still approximately 11:10 am 


Anna told us the story of how she searched for her own birth mother.  I don't remember the exact number of years involved--I think it was over a full decade--and I remember wondering if Anna's marrying Mike--he is a private investigator!--had anything to do with her adoptee status.  


When Anna finally discovered the whereabouts of her natural family, she learned that she also had a bunch of siblings and that she had been the only one placed for adoption.  Moreover, her entire natural family lived within a few miles of where she was raised by her adoptive parents.  

"I never, ever doubted that I was the luckiest out of all the kids," Anna stated.  "I knew after meeting all my siblings that I had the best childhood."

Anna did not elaborate why she thought this was so and I did not ask.  I wondered if Kendra felt bad hearing this.  When Anna said she was lucky to have been adopted out, did she mean to imply that Kendra's baby would be lucky too?  Was this supposed to reinforce Kendra's choice?  Was it meant as loving support of the adoption decision?  Kendra did not appear shaken by her mother's words; in fact, she participated in the storytelling.  Then again, the story of Anna's reunion with her natural family was no news to Kendra.  Perhaps the story was too familiar to cause Kendra any insult.

"And after all those years searching," Anna continued, "my mother would have nothing to do with me for another 18 years!"

Kendra nodded.  "It's all true," she said.

"But I never gave up hope," Anna explained.  "I was patient.  I understood it was hard for her."

"So what made her come around?" I asked.

"One of her sons died.  One of my biological siblings.  After that, I think she realized she wasn't going to chance losing another kid for the rest of her life."

"They talk on the phone every day," Kendra said.  "They're real close.  She's my grandma now."

"I need to tell this story to my best friend," I said, referring to Crystal.  "She found her birth mother a few years ago, and they met for lunch, but now, her birth mother wants nothing to do with her."

Anna was nodding.  "That's what happens sometimes.  People think it's the grown adopted person who is going to want nothing to do with his or her biological family, but it's often the other way around.  A lot of biological mothers think their kid is showing up for money or something.  Tell your friend not to lose hope.  Her mother may change her mind someday about having a relationship."

Anna was poised and collected.  Her manner seemed natural.  Comfortable.  Perhaps comforting.


It was as is she was saying:

See here...Adoption is the best for this baby, but don't worry Kendra.  You'll have a relationship with her again someday.  

And Kendra was clear about wanting a relationship again someday too.


And I wanted Kendra to never lose touch with her baby.  I couldn't imagine taking a baby away from her.  


Why was Baby Lily getting placed for adoption?  What sense did it make?  

"And Jennifer is not going to be threatened by you the way other adoptive mothers would be," Anna said.  "She already has two biological children.  She knows what it is to be a mother."

Anna was right about that.  And if it were meant to alleviate any of Kendra's anxiety, it also made me feel better.  I felt so bad for Kendra and the baby already.  At least, at the very least, I knew I would do right by Kendra and her baby.  If Kendra really decided not to parent, I was at least comforted by the fact that we were the adopters.  I knew in my heart that Tom and I would never disregard Kendra.  I knew Kendra was lucky to find us as opposed to some other couple--we would keep our word, be open, and be supportive of Lily's first family as much as possible.  Of this, I had no doubt.


Anna and I stood close to Kendra's bedside.  I felt myself start to tear up.

"If we adopt your baby, Kendra," I said, "then my dream is that this baby girl will have all of us, both sets of families, at her wedding someday.  If we all can make that happen, then we'll know we all did something right."

And in that moment, I thought that would be possible.  No.  Not possible.  I thought it would be.  I could picture us all, decades into the future, celebrating like one big family.  Kendra and I.  Two mothers.  Together.  

Why not?